Parenting Abused Children
Child maltreatment is a transgression that has been around for quite some time; however, it has only been during the last decade or so that the prevalence of abuse, the reach of emotional trauma, the long term effects and behavioral problems have become better known. Statistics state that 1 out of 5 boys and 1 out of 3 girls have been exposed to abuse before the age of 18. These figures are even more frightening however, with regard to special needs adoptions and fostering, as the figures become more devastating. Special needs parenting statistics state that an estimated 85 to 95 percent of the kids are sexually abused before going into a foster home or being adopted.
When an American visits a foreign country and does not speak the language, they are obviously at a disadvantage. The same holds true with adoptive or foster families when exploited children come to them. These kids have a learned language or attitude that is very different from that of a non-abused child. This requires the adoptive or foster parents to learn the many different ways of interpreting behavior that is unique to that particular child’s experiences.
The best way to understand this language used by the children of an abusive situation is to realize that this type of traumatic event affects their mental health tremendously. Often times this kind of abuse will completely over-power the child’s ability to cope or utilize problem solving skills. In order for the child to receive the maximum benefit from parenting, the adult caregiver should understand that this type of an event makes a child feel that any means they had of protecting themselves is gone or of no use.
For those children who are in a foster home or have been adopted it can be even more difficult for them to adapt. This is because on top of the already traumatic abuse that was on them, they now have to deal with a feeling of parental loss and abandonment.
Parenting an abused child, whether it was sexual, physical or emotional, is difficult at best and challenging at the very least. Often the new caregiver’s desires and the child’s distorted views will clash, yet with an innate desire to nurture and the child’s desire to heal, it will often result in a positive experience for both. And the first step towards healing is learning the “language” of abuse.
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